Let me tell you of the most epic battle for the Great Couch, which occurred just a fortnight ago.

Located in the tiny three-bedroom kingdom of Casa de Wilson, the Great Couch is where all the joys of the day are celebrated, where the whole world situation is debated, where all of the world’s problems are solved, and where the great king (yours truly) rules with a fair but stern hand.

While the king is out fighting the good fight and the crown prince (my son) is attending to his princely duties, the Great Couch is guarded by the valiant Chester Dog, at least until the prince comes home and reclaims the coveted spot on the Great Couch.

The king and his jester (the Shih Tzu Leonard) also take their place on the Great Couch, and the valiant Chester is rewarded for his bravery by sitting in between.

One of Isaac’s princely duties is to release the usurper (the boxer Val) from the dungeon. The usurper is told if she is good, she won’t have to be locked up tomorrow.

But the usurper rarely makes it until tomorrow, for in her mind it is a great injustice that she is the only one in the kingdom banished from the Great Couch.

So each night she attempts to stake her own claim on the Great Couch — often when the valiant Chester is making his rounds, for she is quickly rebuked if Chester is around. Usually she tries to steal Chester’s spot, but that high ground is never held for long.

But what makes the battle so epic a fortnight ago is how she succeeded in obtaining her spot on the Great Couch. She came in from the side — half off the couch and half on the prince’s lap. The prince off course objected to the unexpected invasion, but the king, being amused by the attempt, invited her to come the rest of the way. So she climbed over the prince, her tail smacking his face as she wagged it.

Valiant Chester too protested the intrusion; and the jester, sensing that his cushy seat might be in jeopardy, too insisted that the usurper leave immediately. But they were all silenced when the king decreed: “She’s earned this.”

However the prince was not about to be squeezed out of the most coveted spot on Great Couch, which is closest the to the AC vent, refrigerator and the pantry and is the only spot you don’t get glare on the TV from the lights. He pulled Val back by her tail and pushed her off the Great Couch.

Sorry, usurper. Better luck next time.